A woman needs a book like a fish needs...?

Women are to be prevented from entering bookshops as part of an upcoming scheme to further empower them. Instead, all towns in the UK will feature branches of the all-female 'Fabuloustorez!' chain, in which they will be encouraged to purchase 'chick-lit', relationship based self-help publications and glossy magazines in a female-focussed environment, with powerful spotlights and mirrors on every surface so that guests can view themselves at every imaginable angle without even having to visit a high street changing room. It is hoped that the new stores will allow the complex modern woman to get her 'fix' of empty-headed prose without the inconvenience of being surrounded by literature, politics, history, philosophy and science, which are naturally of no relevance whatever. The scheme replaces last year's controversial proposal for a country-wide system of 'Truth Booths' in which women would stand naked staring at the word "unfuckable" for 40 minutes a day.