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Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Letter of the Law

A new dictionary is to be developed for members of the Church of the Unfallen Moon, who object to traditional volumes on the grounds that they use some words containing the letter F, which church followers believe to be extremely dangerous. According to UfM texts, words that contain the letter produce higher levels of 'malign fibrous energy' in the atmosphere, leading to increased frivolity in the vapid.

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Keeping It Real

Scientists have discovered the true nature of reality - and it's taupe! Having first assured us that we ordinary folks needn't concern ourselves with the detail, Dr Neil Maccckie of the Royal Phenomenofactical Institute tried to explain the development in layman's terms:
"If you think of a kind-of spongy block of concrete cheese, then imagine it being sliced into an infinite number of perpendicular pieces from the inside. Now imagine these innumerable pieces floating off in every direction, but as they move forward in space, they move sideways in time, so that everywhere is somewhere, and nowhere is upside down. It's a little like that really, but without the foam."
Thinkers at the Institute are expected to use the discovery to further their campaign to prevent schoolteachers from hesitating before answering complicated questions from pupils about truth, consciousness and morality.