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Saturday, 27 March 2010

Sink or Swim

In the Welsh region of Brosiekaptwyth it is traditional to welcome a new baby into the community by immersing it bodily in cider for upwards of 3 minutes. The practise, observed for hundreds of years, is currently under threat due to the latest, extremely strict interpretation of Health and Safety laws on the part of the local council, who claim that there is an inherent risk of death to the child - despite the fact that in the past 10 years only 70% of the babies born in the area have actually died during the ceremony, and only 40% of the remaining 30% died on the same day. Where is this interference going to end? I'm having my annual Deer and Turkey Fuck and Feed Fest Fun and Child Stab Party Day next week and I dare officials to try and stop me.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

On the Sauce?

Brown Sauce turns into a kind of liquid amber if you pass it through a sieve made from satirised copper. A Mr Gip of Saltcoats is believed to have been the first person to discover this unusual fact when he was conducting a series of experiments into the properties of various condiments on behalf of the publican's association. So far the technique has remained mainly the practise of sole enthusiasts, but a recent trend for edible accessories has seen the creation of a range of related products, such as the havoc inspired berry shaped turtle helmet keyrings currently on sale at Halfords and La Senza.